


Monster

by celeistic



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Anal Sex, Anger, Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 13:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17601851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeistic/pseuds/celeistic
Summary: (slightly inspired by Dodie Clark's Monster). Phil is sick and tired of Dan suddenly treating him like nothing. So, he decides to confront him about it, and it goes a bit sour. (Includes sexual content in *semi* great detail, be forewarned).





	Monster

Phil stood against the doorway leading into the apartment's living room. His bright blue eyes refusing to leave the slouched figure of his dark-haired friend. His face illuminated by the laptop that sat on his thighs. Thighs that Phil remembered gripping, his fingers digging at the soft flesh. A sensation his hands knew and craved. They were starved. He was starved. Not just for physical intimacy either. No, his heart was hungry too. It was hungry to feel it's place against another beating heart. Dan's beating heart. It was thirsty to hear all the lovely things that it used to hear. It was begging to pour out its love into someone else again. It wasn't just the intimacy that mattered. It was everything. It was everything that they had built up in the last three years, and suddenly it wasn't anything. Dan had taken it and torn it down like old wallpaper in a house they built to call theirs. 

And it fucking upset, Phil. There was nothing beautiful or poetic about the feeling it made him feel. It was the kind of feeling that made him awake at 3am, crying, wondering why the other half of his bed was so empty. It was him gasping Dan's name in the shower. It jumped out of his throat whenever he was too close to Dan's face, when he was close enough to touch. And Phil wanted to get rid of this dirty feeling. He wanted so badly to get rid of it. But goddamn it, how can you repair the house when the other one is actively tearing it down? 

But that night, Phil decided he had the time. He had the time to fight. He knew at the end he might not get what he wanted. But he was going to get something, whether he had to bleed for it or not. 

So, the man sauntered his way out of the doorway and made his way over to the couch. He plopped himself down on the felt, right next to his flatmate, and leaned over to rest his head on his shoulder. 

"Ugh, Phil, what are you doing?" Dan asked with disgust clear in his voice, shrugging his shoulder to move Phil's head off of him. 

Anger bubbled in Phil's chest. He looked deep into Dan's dark brown eyes, searching for something that resembled the Dan he knew and not this new monster. When he didn't find anything of the sort, he spat back: 

"What is your fucking problem?" He watched as the gears seemed to shift in his friend for maybe a millisecond, before whatever demon that seemed to be possessing Dan took over again.

"What do you mean what is my problem? I don't want your head on my shoulder, is that so fucking wrong?" he asked. 

Phil leaped out of his place sitting on the couch, walked around the coffee table; gripping his hair in his hands before turning back to look at Dan who was staring at him. 

"Yeah, you know what, it is wrong! Because this isn't how you used to treat me. I've fucked you into the sheets and you used to tell me you love me, but now you won't even look at me! What happened, Dan?! Why am I nothing to you now?!" Phil shouted, not caring about if the neighbors could hear, he wanted the world to know his pain. He wanted everyone to know the war that raged inside him. 

He watched as Dan's mouth fell open a bit, but it quickly closed again and his jaw tightened. Of course, he wasn't going to give up so easily. 

"Why does it matter if we're not having sex anymore? Or if I don't say I love you anymore? It's not like we're dating." Dan murmured darkly. 

"We aren't dating, because you're the one that's insecure with your sexuality. And for fuck's sake, I don't care what we call it! That's not the point. The point is that you treat me like shit and you don't care! I want to know what happened to Dan!" Phil cried out, he spammed his fist against his thigh out of blind anger. He was not someone who has physical when emotional, but this was a beyond frustrating scenario. It was like he was talking to a wall. 

His eyes looked up from where he was transfixed on the floor to his friend, and was shocked to find Dan with tears in his eyes and a face twisted in emotion. Immediately, he regretted how he allowed his heart to spill all of its anxieties and worries, because now it had hurt Dan. And as angry as Dan made him feel lately, he still loved him. He loved him so much. 

"Fuck you, Phil Lester." the brown-haired boy growled, his fists in tight balls and before Phil could even completely process it: he ran towards his room. Which was promptly followed by a loud bang signaling he had slammed the door. 

Phil sighed and felt his heart sting. He had never meant for this go so badly. But he had let his mouth run too far ahead and it spilled too much. It spilled too much, too fast, and too harsh. The black-haired man made his way to his own bedroom, passing Dan's, a haunting hand in the back of his head tapped on his brain and said "Open the door". But he didn't. This wasn't about Phil. This was about Dan, and he needed to be the one to reach out. 

So, he trudged into his bedroom, dark as the sun had set, and laid himself in his bed. It's cold sheets and mattress that didn't feel as comfortable as it did that morning, felt akin to a coffin. He wrapped his arms around himself and he felt his cheeks become wet with tears. Not an unfamiliar situation, but this one was more intense. It made him tremble as he cried. His emotions raked through him like an earthquake. He had never felt more alone. 

But little did he know that Dan was doing the same in the protection of his walls. After storming into his bedroom, he had fallen into a crumpled mess on his bed. Burying his face into his hands and they acted as cups, catching his messy tears and snot. 

At first, they were hot and they burned with his anger. How dare his best friend say those things? But that anger quickly came and went, because how could he blame Phil for saying the truth? Just because the truth hurt didn't make it any less true. And Dan knew that. But Dan thought it was a truth only he knew. Although what had he expected, he spent all of his time with Phil. Phil knew Dan's darkest crevasses in his mushy, serotonin-deficient thing for a brain. Of course he would know that Dan was terrified of the sexuality part of their relationship. He was so scared. He was so scared of what the internet would think, because he didn't feel like the word gay or bisexual fit him. But he loved Phil. He was in love with him and he saw himself loving Phil for a long time. 

But the internet wanted to label him. They wanted to put him into a neat little category like everyone else. And Dan didn't want that. He just wanted to be Dan. He wanted to be free to love who he loved without having to stick something to himself. But he was so scared to explain that to his audience, his family, everyone. This constant fear had begun eating at him, and Dan knew what Phil meant when he said "he wanted to know what happened to Dan". Because he knew that he wasn't who he was. But how could you be yourself when you can't sleep at night? How can you be yourself when you don't remember what it was like to feel alive? 

He should have never left those feelings to bury themselves in him. He was hurting Phil. He didn't want to hurt Phil. He loved him. And he knew Phil loved him too. He could tuck his feelings into the folds of his other half. He needed to. He wanted to stop feeling so horrible and he needed to let help in. 

Once he finished crying, he cleaned his face in the bathroom, and slowly he creeped his way into Phil's room. The older man seemed to be asleep, the glow of outside light illuminated the room thankfully. His eyes were closed, Dan noticed as he lowered himself onto the bed next to his lover. He tangled his legs into Phil's; he reached up with his hand and swiped Phil's hair off of his forehead. 

"I' m sorry," Phil muttered, his face so close to Dan that he could taste his words. 

"No, I'm sorry. You never deserved to be treated the way I treated you. I'm sorry. I'm just scared. I'm so scared." Dan's voice cracked. 

"I know you're scared. But I'm here with you," Phil whispered, his breath tickled Dan's lips before he pressed his lips to his lover's. 

They fell back into the cracks where they had once housed each other.

Phil gasped Dan's name as their erections grind against each other. Dan repeated "I love you"s in between leaving deep, dark purple marks on Phil's neck and chest. 

Hastily, jeans were removed by fumbling fingers and shirts were thrown into a mess on the floor. 

Dan climbed onto Phil's lap, Phil's hands dug into the soft flesh of his thighs as they continued to messily kiss as if they hadn't kissed in a millennium. Phil took Dan's cock in his hand and stroked him a couple of times before taking the index and middle finger of his left hand; putting them in front of Dan, which the younger boy knew as "suck". 

Dan turned over and buried himself into the sheets as Phil began to insert his fingers into his ass. His opened mouth let out low but loud moans. It wasn't long before Phil's dick was inside Dan and the room was filled with the sound of the bed creaking as Phil rocked his hips against his lover. Perhaps harder than usual, his body enjoying the feeling of getting rid of the dread that had lived in him for so long. 

His hands held tight on Dan's hips as he buried his cock in the boy's ass. As he thrusted in and out, listening to the songs his lover sang with his groans. They sounded like hymns. This was the closest Phil had ever felt to finding God. 

Dan had his hands wrinkling the sheets. The poison in his soul seeming to leave with every single pump Phil gave. His heart felt as if it were going to burst from his chest along with the rest of him. It was the first time in a long time where he felt alive. He noticed that Phil was being tougher than normal, but the pain was addicting. It flooded through his veins like what he assumed drugs felt like. His head was clouded but not by ugly thoughts, but by pleasure and bliss. Dan was sure this would be the closest to ever being high. 

They fucked each other and it was a baptism. It cleansed their souls and they drowned each other in their love. They came up, heavily breathing and needing each other more than ever before. 

As Phil realized he was coming close to breaking, he reached around and stroked Dan's cock. Dan gasped and rocked back onto Phil's dick, and together they finished.

After wiping themselves down with the towel kept in Phil's bedside dresser drawer, giggling at the mess they had made of themselves, they laid down and pressed their bodies as close as they could without becoming one person. 

Although it seemed as if the universe had destined them from the beginning to be one in the same. Different enough to exist alone, but better in company. 

"What do you want, Dan?" Phil asked into Dan's ear. 

"You, I just want you. Only you. And I want it to just be us." Dan answered. 

And so it was. They were together but only they knew, in their hearts and in the comfort of their apartment. And perhaps one day they would let the world in on their secret, but two can keep a secret especially if they're busy kissing.


End file.
